A couple of years ago and only a few month after Krull Mag was launched, we received an email from a Sweden based artist kindly offering some of her artworks to illustrate articles in our magazine. As we scrolled through her Instagram profile @io_designstudio, Hadil Mohamed’s strong and beautiful portraits of black women instantly won our hearts.

After featuring some of her pieces in a couple of articles, it was only natural to ask Hadil to share the story behind her work and let our readers discover the brilliant, resilient and humble woman she is.

“WHITE SUPREMACY DONE DID THAT”

Arduous beginnings 

Hadil was born in Eritrea in 1987 and came to Sweden as a refugee, together with her mother and older brother when she was only two years old. After some time in a refugee center, the family wounded up in a small town, north of Sweden and together with a few other non-white families, were relocated in a quite segregated area, while waiting for their citizenship.

“It wasn’t a completely carefree childhood.” Hadil recalls. “We moved around a lot, within the same town. We never stuck around for too long. My mother came to a brand new country when she was 32 years old without speaking English or Swedish, and without her husband. She had an entire education to fit into a few years while also working nights in order to make enough money to support her children and her family back home. When my mother moved us to a predominantly white neighbourhood because she wanted us to have a better education, I found myself being one of three non-white students. I was only 8 years old but would have to face feeling left out, hearing the N-word more often than people would say my name and explain my heritage on a daily basis. The students at my school all had both their parents, they lived in villas and were Caucasian, so I stood out in every single aspect. I knew I was a deviation from the norm quite early, I just didn’t have the tools to understand it. I spent a lot of time punishing my mother for being different. All I wanted to do was to fit in and be like everyone else. All I wanted was to erase every single shred of my ethnicity.”

“DRANK”

From school outcast to top of the class

Like many foreign parents, Hadil’s mother started off of nothing and pushed her children into being hard working and ambitious, sometimes butting heads with Hadil, who like many young people with a foreign background, would see her hard work and efforts washed away by her otherness and structural racism.

“Education is very important to my mother, so the year I graduated from high school my mother made it her mission to get me into a university. “A year off” was not a term she welcomed or even listened to. What my mother didn’t understand was that I was sick of school. I was sick of having to work extra hard just to get a decent grade. I was sick of teachers pointing out that “Swedish isn’t your first language”. I was sick of having to spend countless hours trying to erase my heritage in order to get a passing grade. I worked my ass off in school but I only passed as an average student which made it hard to get into a good university.”

At the pinnacle of their clash over her education, Hadil explained her malaise to he mother whom in return promised to not demand anything more from her if she’d at least give university a try.

So Hadil took a chance, started studying media and communications at Örebro University.

After completing her first exam, scarred by her previous school experiences, she wouldn’t attend the lecture where the results would be handed out and stayed home drawing instead. When she finally decided to pick up her grade, she discovered how exams anonymity would change her experience in education, when her teacher didn’t ask her for her name but blurted a “what is your number” only to congratulate Hadil who then was listed as “number seven” for her excellent results.

“You are top of the class, fantastic job number seven. Then he sat down and continued to work as if he hadn’t just handed me the confidence to continue my academic career.
It was at that point I realized that anonymity was the ultimate fairness and that I as a black woman would only benefit from it.”

“BLACK ATTACK/ATTACK ON BLACK”

The path to artistry

Hadil’s studies didn’t predestined her to work with art. She never studied for it and even admits she never actually wanted to be an artist.

“I wanted to work with music and I chased this dream to London after I graduated. My mission was to become an A&R manager at an independent record label working only with indie rock bands such as Nada Surf and Modest Mouse. Instead I started working as a photographer and graphic designer for a few different music companies and artists. I had always been good at taking photos and I knew how to design a nice poster but I never thought I would make a career of it. In fact, had anyone told me then that I had embarked upon my future calling, I would have laughed in their face and continued writing the novel I was busy with (yes, I wrote a novel in London and no, it’s not great).”

Hadil’s love story with graphic design and visual communication happened on a whim.

“I was designing posters for independent music acts and had gotten a job as an Art Director at a small ad sales company but I never identified with that line of work. It was just something I did because I happened to be good at it and it payed the bills. It wasn’t until I understood that graphic design is a language and it can enable or disable several vital messages. It wasn’t just about balance and color choices or fonts but also about solving a problem and sending a message. Graphic design proved to be the ultimate universal language (aside from math, off course) and for someone who wanted to work with inclusion within different art forms, this was the way to go.”

Today Hadil works as a graphic designer in Sweden. She says being constantly amazed by the depths of design and what significance it has in communications. “The bridge between graphic design and art has been so easy for me because it is essentially two different ways to create art, one more rigorous and analytic and one more free and impulsive. Conveying a message is central for both art forms although they take on different shapes.”

Tell us about the moment art entered your life and the role it plays in your existence.

I´ve been drawing for most of my life but I haven’t necessarily considered it art until much later. When I was 16 years old my mother put up a huge piece of black fabric on my bedroom wall in an attempt to prevent me from drawing on it. . Within the first month, I painted an angel with its wings spread across the fabric, almost covering the entire wall. I worked hard on it and my mother was very happy that I, for once, drew something she understood and could relate to. Granted, she thought I´d had a religious revelation and was over the moon that I had finally seen the light. On the door to my bedroom however, I drew a full-size self-portrait on a print, that depicted me with horns on my head and a devil’s tail. My mother hated the piece and demanded I take it down. “What will our guests say?”. Despite her laments, I refused. I actually didn’t even understand why she got so upset. That was the first time I realized that my drawings could be provocative. That provocative messages are loud forms of rebellion. That creative resistance, although I didn’t know what it was then, was a way to start a conversation. Until that point I just thought that drawing was a way for me to express myself, but I had never thought that it could speak to anyone else than me. That was the first time I created art as oppose to just drawing what was on my mind. It was also the first time I realized that art speaks volumes and can have many messages. That a bond is set between artist and beholder and where two completely different answers can be found within the same piece.

It took me a long time to refine my artistic voice and to trust that voice. For a while, I did everything but listen to that voice. I tried to be something else, I tried to draw what I saw other artists draw and I was constantly criticizing my work for not being refined enough. I didn´t even share it with anyone because I wasn´t entirely sure what I wanted to say. I successfully created a distance between me and my art which then took years for me to bridge.

Today my art means everything to me and it explains more than is asks. I made it a point to draw what I felt was being left out of the narrative and have therefore been trying to supply the world with unapologetic, strong and beautiful black women. I decided that I would only create political art that challenges norms. Growing up in a white context and having very few images that looked like me outside my family has been a reason for loneliness and I want to repair that. So, I started io design as a way to draw black women and put them back in a narrative they have been excluded from. I have a lot to say with my art and my hopes are that people want to listen.

“BEFORE/AFTER”

Indeed, except for your “World Leaders REVAMPED” series, all your subject are strong, magical black characters. Has it always been that way and how has your choice of subjects evolved with time?

I´ve always been fascinated with portrait art. The way a shadow can change an entire face and the million stories one can find in a subject’s eyes have always thrilled me. When I was younger I always drew from memory and my memory usually only contained white faces. This led to me never really feeling attached to what I was drawing because it was only a reflection of my environment, not myself. I don’t exactly know when that changed but when I moved to London I was more exposed to black individuals. When I was younger, I had developed tools to handle the loneliness I felt in my surroundings because I knew what I was actually feeling was structural exclusion. Being exposed to black bodies, faces and features in London was liberating and educational and provided for references to draw something other than white faces. I thought London would be the holy grail of diversity but even though I saw more diversity in my everyday life, commercial diversity was still stuck and failed to represent non-whites as anything else than stereotypes. I felt betrayed by modern media because I had just realized that being black wasn’t a deviation but people who looked like me where still being portrayed as thugs, gangster, slaves and/or second class citizens.

The decision to only draw black women was a revolution for me because with every piece I create, the most common questions that follows are “why do you only draw black women?” or “don’t you think its racist to only draw black women?” I knew that my choice of portraits would be a thorn in many beholders eyes but I also knew that for the people finally being fairly represented, it would mean something. As it did to me. It would show black women as leaders and heroines. As the force of nature I believe we are but that modern media has failed to show.

Remember, I spent my entire childhood trying to be less black and less African. Not wanting yet another reason for exclusion. so being pro-black wasn’t something I chose not to be but more of a survival instinct. I tried for many years to adopt traditions that weren’t mine and use clothing and make-up that didn’t flatter my skin tone just to be able to buy the same things as my white friends. Never having an image of myself as one of beauty, grace or strength. My mother tried very hard to get me to see the beauty of our own heritage but I was in between two worlds trying to survive in the one I felt was dominant.

When I stared io, I knew I would have to ask myself questions about my own blackness that I didn’t have the answers to yet but I also knew that I had already answered the most important question – what is my contribution for raising awareness and helping diversity? And the answer was my art. So I decided that it was important for me to share it with other advocates of diversity because contrary to my own beliefs – I wasn’t alone in this exclusion.

What has been the process to developing your personal style?

When it come to the actual craft, trying different art forms has been a developing factor in my personal style. I spend my teenage years sketching with a pencil, my early twenties painting with colors and my late twenties drawing digitally. I use a different art form with every new message I’m trying to convey. The portraits are the red thread but the backgrounds are always done in a different manner. I also try to incorporate graphic design in my art to make it fuller.

When it come to the feelings that has helped shape my personal style, I do believe that all the pieces were there all along, I just didn’t know what to make of them. I´ve always had the need to express myself, even though the pieces were sporadic and the urge to create was hard to maintain. It was like an unidentified weight. I know now that what fuels my art are feelings of loneliness, being undervalued and constantly questioned – simply because I deviate from the norm. And then one day, after choosing the wrong context for many years, I decided that I was tired of being interrupted. And I was tired of apologizing for my opinions. And I was done letting other people use my words in a way I didn’t intend for them to be used. I was just done. It wasn’t an aha moment and it didn’t knock me of my feet. It did however get me to stand up, raised hand, finally claiming back a space I had been pushed out of a long time ago. It made me create art with a vengeance because I realized that none of the above was caused by me but rather a heritage from years of structural discrimination. I decided that I refuse to be overlooked in areas where I excel and I refuse to allow someone else to speak on my behalf. That’s how I developed my personal style –  with my own story, my voice and my opinions. And – most importantly – I realized that I didn’t have to wait for someone to ask me about my opinion, for it to matter. 

Artists usually carry out a message through their work. What is yours?

A have two key messages I always try to get across.

The first one is black female empowerment. I believe empowerment starts with myself, that is why I´ve worked very hard to be nice to myself, agree with myself and finally – love myself. Without my own empowerment, it’s hard to get such a strong message across in my art. I also try to bring the love, empowerment and happiness I have surrounded myself with, into my art. I let it be the red thread that outlines and packages my message. I want people to know that my own strength comes from what I have chosen to keep in my life and is very much defined by what I have left behind. My self-empowerment came after I cut poison out of my life, with a razor blade, leaving no residue but a bunch of scars and those scars are what I create from. It’s where I draw my energy from and It’s where my perspective meets my experiences. My main message is black female empowerment because I know that we need to uplift each other, every chance we get.

Another key message I try to convey through my art is that representation matters. Diversity is what drives me to also share my stories along with my images. In October 2016, I exhibited my art at an event that had gathered a diverse group of people. I exhibited the collection Hijabi Heroines and after I had finished presenting the piece, a young girl, wearing a hijab, came up to me and said that she had never seen a woman wearing a hijab in an art piece. We spoke for a bit. I thanked her for sharing her thoughts on my art with me and she thanked me for allowing someone that looked like her be a leading motive in my art. That’s when I decided that the stories I share might not be something everyone can relate to it will be important for the people it resonates with.

Tell us about your favourite artwork?

I have different favorites for different purposes. I love before/after because it’s an homage to my background and to leaving certain parts of your past in order to become a better you. I love that I created it in a time where I needed to see such a message myself and I’m so proud that it’s so honest. It’s a complete, raw and honest reflection of who I am as a person, who I left behind and what parts I chose to harbor in the better version of me. It was the first time I really used the entire canvas and put as much of the story in the background as I did in the portrait. My art always evolves, but with before/after, it became more than having made a perfect piece of art. I wanted the message to be loud, honest and impossible to ignore. I put my entire heart in this piece. before/after was also the first of its kind for me. I had never been comfortable using patterns or colors in the background. I always stayed away from it because I was scared It wouldn’t be perfect. The piece was never supposed to be shared on my Instagram, I simply needed to draw for therapeutic reasons and explore the piece without the pressure of an audience. It is also the first piece that I have stepped away from, feeling 100% finished with. To this day, I don’t want to change a thing. It tells the story exactly like it needs to be told and still allows other interpretations to shine through, depending on who´s looking at it.

Another favorite is Swedish as Fuck. Mainly because of the story it tells rather that the execution. I have been wanting to share my experiences of exclusion within different minorities for a long time but I never knew how to form the actual story. The feeling of never being enough black, never being enough Swedish, never being enough of a Muslim has been the main reasons for my art for a long time. It´s exclusion in a wider perspective, not just the one where I feel misplaced in a white context. Swedish as Fuck was my way of claiming my own identity and actively fight feelings of not being enough of anything. I decide what I am and not the restrictions others have limited me to. With this piece, I put a stop to everyone’s idea of what I should identify as and claimed it for myself. The idea of drawing a black girl in traditional Swedish costume, holding Swedish sunflowers, came to me a long time ago but I was never brave enough to draw it. I told myself it wouldn’t be a good piece and I put the idea to the side until I was ready to create it. Once I sat down, the creation poured out of me like running water and I left it with a collage feel, not as smooth around the edges as the rest of my art because it wasn’t a fully formed idea, but the story needed to be told.

“SWEDISH AS FUCK”

Can you share your creative process/routine?

It’s a wildly uninteresting process I´m afraid. It usually starts with an ignition in the form of a statement or a news story or even an update on social media that I deem to be problematic. I then form a story around the subject while at the same time trying to figure out where I stand in the issue at hand. Me and my best friend rant a lot. We call each other and bring up topics we´ve seen or engaged in during the day that we just rant about. Sometimes, we even rant at the same time about two different things. These loud discussions are almost always the base for the story I want to tell. After I decided on the topic, I make a sketch of how I can best portray it visually and then I start to draw and somewhere along the road, the sketch becomes irrelevant and I just go with whatever direction that piece wants to go. I allow myself to explore beyond preconceived notions of what it should look like and trust my gut that the visual direction is the right one. I am heavily influenced by the music I listen to while creating, some music will generate bright colors and some will generate unsaturated colors depending on the type of music I listen to. I sing loudly and intensely during drawing sessions. I also rely on snacks to keep me going. I often break for a quick dance to get some distance away from the drawing board and if I’m stuck on a piece, I take a long shower. I engage my entire body in the process because sitting still for five plus hours to draw isn’t going to generate the best outcome. I move around in my house, I talk loudly to myself to remind myself why this piece is important and why I should keep going even if it gets hard. And most importantly, when the results are nothing like they looked in my head, I go ahead and publish it anyway because I know that I created the art with a sincere, honest message.

I have a routine for sharing my art as well because I feel that is the hardest part. I was very happy with drawing and never sharing it so every time I do publish something it comes with a wave of anxiety and self-doubt. Everyone who knows me know that I never really doubt myself, I believe that society does that enough so I decided to become my own best friend and friends don’t doubt each another. But when I share my art it’s like I’m sharing my diary. I speak on matters that are worldly but also affect my existence and my life. So, every time I publish new art (which I always do in the morning) I log off Instagram for the entire day and don’t check in until I get home from work, as a way to maintain my anxiety. I do this to stop myself from deleting my content all together and allow a natural discussion to take place in the comments without my involvement.

How do you experience and see the Stockholm art scene?

White.

I´ve never really been let into the art scene in Stockholm and on the times I’ve been a visitor in the art scene it’s because I’ve created my own spaces for my art. I wish it wasn’t like that but I’ve learned that my art is only valuable to a white art scene when they want to exotify my work, or justify a reason for having 15 white exhibitors and only one person of color. I become a token, really. I´ve decide that my art will never be a token or a justification in any art space but that it should be free to tell its own story. It should be free to criticize norms and questions why individuals of color are still being excluded from these spaces and being treated like second class citizens. The Stockholm art scene embodies every single privilege that I don’t have. Its brilliant at best but mediocre most of the times with a raging love for white supremacy. Those who try to question it are kindly escorted out of the art scene and there isn’t any chance of a black artist that only draws black women and raises political issues that mainly occur to the same black women. It’s not an art scene that welcomes every individual’s experiences, and the lack of diversity is chilling.

That being said, I don’t know if boycotting the Stockholm art scene is the best approach because in our exclusion we can’t afford to further exclude ourselves. I think my efforts should go to paving ways for people who look like me in every field, not just in the art scene. Even if it means being lonely for a little bit longer. Even if it means I have to carry the weight of every white question I receive and answer them in a way that will allow more people like me to be welcomed.

Who is/are your favourite artist(s)?

I am a huge fan of Zanele Muholi, a visual activist focusing on documenting various human beings and tells stories of LGBT/queer/trans human in South Africa and beyond. I love how her visual ideas always feel so heavy in content but light in effort. Her visuals look so effortless and natural that it’s hard not to feel inspired by her message, her technique and the overall density in her work.

I love Manzel Bowman, otherwise known as ArtxMan. He creates these futuristic, psychedelic, dystopian art pieces that take my breath away. They are so well constructed without feeling overworked and I never have any idea what message he is trying to convey but somehow I always have a reaction to his art. It’s the kind of art I think resonates with many different people.

Lina Iris Viktor is another favorite of mine. The way she uses gold and black to enhance black women and create a royal feel is mind blowing. It’s not often I feel like an image of a black woman generates that much strength but she manages to do just that. Her detail work is by far the greatest I´ve ever seen.

How does feedback from the public influence your creative process?

I rely heavily on feedback from the public. Not so much it the actual art but more in what people feel as they saw it and what message they took with them. I do categorize myself as a visual activist and a storyteller so I’m always keen to hear which stories were actually heard. I want to know what my art made them feel and if I missed the mark on something.

My best friend, also my unofficial creative advisor, is my main influence in the creative process. She always lends her spectacular eye and gives fair and justified feedback on my art, which has been invaluable. She is my target audience so getting to pick her brain on topics I haven’t fully formed yet or to hear her questions on the art is something a put aside time for. She´s usually the first one to see my pieces and she´s also my greatest inspiration. She teaches me a lot and without her, my political rants would be very one sided.

“THUNDER”

If you had any advice to give aspiring young artists, what would it be?

Keep creating. You will never know what your art means unless you share it with the world. Put your voice out there and allow it to be heard and allow the message to be received. Speak loudly about your art and realize your importance in that space. Experiment and explore different art forms. For me, art has been a way to grow without having to take conventional educational methods, but rather rely on individual experiences. Don’t compare your art to anyone else’s but allow yourself to be inspired by their journey. Form your own opinion on what art actually means because we can´t afford to limit art to traditional practices. I believe art is an abstract answer to a concrete question – you might never know what you´ll find but there will always be something there for you to see.

And finally, know that every artist that is wildly successful also worked very hard to get there. Sure, there is such a thing as natural talent, but most of the time its consistency, focus and persistence that generate success. You have to push yourself within your talent in order to become great at something and it requires time and patience and room for mistakes.

With or without art, you as a person are important and your experiences matter.

Artworks: Hadil Mohamed, @io_designstudio

Photography: Nafisa Bashir