I am a black gay American with a connection to Sweden and individuals I’ve met there since my inaugural visit in August 2015. Compared to the United States, Sweden’s black population is quite small. Thus, I know that my desire to live there may not fit with one’s perception of someone who looks like me. But it seems to be a path on my life’s journey, one that feels right for who I am and where I’m at during this phase of my life.

Were you always enthralled with Swedish culture?

Through being the creator and host of Our Black Gay Diaspora Podcast, I was interviewed on March 21, 2022 by Jamaican-born Krylios, the host of Team Rayceen Productions’ YouTube Live. One question he asked in connection to my hope of living in Sweden was, “Were you always enthralled with Swedish culture?” I was not. I joked that like many Americans, I most likely mixed up the Scandinavian country with Switzerland.

As I mentioned, I first visited Sweden in August 2015, through my friend Tommy’s participation in the Ironman Triathlon in Copenhagen, Denmark. Over lunch one Saturday afternoon in late July, at one of our favorite Hollywood restaurants, Tommy asked me to accompany him to Denmark for support. As someone who can be methodical and controlled, I was initially prepared to say no, feeling that three weeks wasn’t enough time to prepare. But after hugging out our goodbyes and beginning my walk north to my apartment in the Beachwood Canyon community of Hollywood Hills, a voice within said, “Why not?” I’d last been on the continent for a 2008 visit to Spain. It could be an opportunity to see another part of Europe. So I rang my boss for approval of the vacation time and set about booking my flight.

The following Monday, I shared this with Sharon, a tall and attractive Afro-Swede colleague of Ugandan descent. “Well, you can’t go to Scandinavia without also visiting Stockholm,” she said. “I’m sure you can find a cheap flight there from Denmark.” And that’s how my Scandinavian adventure expanded to include Sweden.

My flight from Copenhagen descended into Stockholm Arlanda Airport on August 14, 2015. With no definitive plans for my five-day Swedish excursion, I unfastened my seatbelt, shouldered my backpack, and walked down the aircraft aisle towards the exit door.

I could live here.

After retrieving my small suitcase from the luggage carousel, l headed towards an information counter, on the way discovering that Swedes were on par with their Danish cousins with their fluency in English. Later I stumbled into the commuter train that would
deposit me 45 minutes later into the center of Stockholm. Settling into a seat, I glanced at a poster advertising a production at the Göta Lejon Theatre and thought, “I could live here.”

This clear thought took me aback. I’d yet to see the city. However, something within assured me that despite knowing next to nothing about Sweden, I was amongst an energy similar to my own. I’d later find out that these similarities, which include an outer calmness, structure and efficiency, are traits observed in most Swedes.

Those five days of my first Stockholm visit were great. Compared to the Los Angeles I’d lived in for over 20 years, the overall vibe of Stockholm felt chill. I didn’t hit up any museums or landmarks. But I explored neighborhoods like the historic Gamla Stan, the centrally located Vasastan and the eclectic and trendy SoFo district of Södermalm. I rode the bike left for me in the Airbnb rental, something I hadn’t done for many years. And I discovered the Swedish custom known as fika, a break in which people drink coffee, eat pastries or other snacks and relax with others. It’s through fika that I learned the importance of taking time out of my day to recalibrate.

Upon my return to the United States, I gushed to my Swedish friend about how much I loved Stockholm and wanted to live there. She smiled and stated, “I’m not surprised you like it. But you were there during the summer. I’d suggest visiting the city during the
winter.” And so, I booked a flight, returning to Sweden in early February 2016. I visited twice more over the next two years, a little sad each time I was due to return to the U.S.

What is it about the Scandinavian capital that kept luring me back? Moving to Los Angeles in my early twenties was my attempt at sloughing off the desert dirt of my hometown of Phoenix, Arizona. I also hoped it’d be a way to rewire myself into the extrovert I assumed I needed to be in order to be understood and heard. I conceded my first two years in La La Land that I’d never become the flame that social butterflies gravitate towards in casual settings.

I feel most myself

L.A. never truly felt like home for me. I’ve visited other cities, in the U.S. and other countries. But Stockholm is the first one I’ve been in where I feel most myself. I don’t feel out of place amongst the commuters on Stockholm’s subway or tunnelbana, as I read a book on my phone’s Kindle app. My style, often influenced by the mod fashion of 1960s and 1980s Britain, fits within the tailored lines and muted tones of Swedish urbanites.

From refrigeration to blood banks, from music to language, black American culture influences and intrigues people worldwide. Thus, I recognize that this may shield me from fully witnessing and experiencing the racism that also exists in Sweden. That being said, my sojourns these past few years outside of my home country have helped me to see that I don’t have to limit my scope of possibilities within the borders of America.

Landing in Sweden came at a time in my life when I had simultaneously returned to school and rediscovered forgotten passions like writing, traveling, and satiating my curiosity about other cultures. I moved to Los Angeles to become an actor. Yet within a couple of years, I sunk into the realization that my self-confidence lacked the wind needed to sail through the challenges of succeeding in the entertainment industry. I was fortunate to land a job and an investment banking firm, starting as a file clerk. I eventually sifted through the corporate ranks to become a graphic designer.

Today, I’m more solidly aware that it isn’t possible to change the core of who I am. But I’m grateful to know I have the option to move towards interests that encourage me to accept who I am and how I may positively affect others. And if this includes living in Sweden, I’m all for it.