My name is Ritva. I’m a 22 years old Congolese-Finnish girl. My dad left Congo 25 years ago for Finland, leaving my mom and two older brothers behind. They were reunited in January 1993 and by the end of that year my twin brother and I were born. We were the first black/immigrant twins born in Pietarsaari’s hospital, a little city in the western Finland. We moved to Helsinki later on where my little sister was born.

Growing up, I was the only black dark skin girl in the class, and the entire school. I always knew that I wasn’t the same skin tone as everyone else but I didn’t feel left out because our school had kids from all over the world.
It wasn’t until I got older and started to be more interested in boys that I realized I was “different” from the rest of the girls. I started thinking to myself that if I’d been born a white girl, I would get more attention. I knew that I wasn’t ugly, but there was an unspoken understanding that boys just don’t like black girls. I didn’t feel uncomfortable in my skin but I just didn’t feel attractive enough, and that feeling stuck with me for a long time.

Although I’ve only had a few encounters with some drunken people who’ve yelled “Go back where you came from!” to which I always react back, I’ve always been aware that we have a big issue with racism in Finland. Most recently, when I was working as a cashier at the supermarket during the Christmas rush, an elderly woman was next in line. I greeted her politely, to which she responded, “I will never come to this shop again”. I smiled at her, thinking that she was referring to the long lines. I rung up her groceries and handed her change back, was ready to take the next customer when I heard the woman saying “I will not come to this shop again, they have a n***** serving people!” The other customer said to the woman she has no right to say that. The woman started yelling in the crowded shop “I have all the right to say as a Finn that I will not come here because they have a n***** working here!” The only thing that came out of my mouth was “You can leave the store now, please,” and then I called security. On her way out, she kept shouting but I couldn’t hear what she said as I’d blocked out her voice to keep from crying in front of all the people who were just staring at me. No one asked if I was okay. I was publicly humiliated and left feeling so ashamed and embarrassed. I held my tears until my break.

I broke down, crying and shaking in the break room. I didn’t understand what just happened. I did nothing wrong. I couldn’t prevent it because I didn’t see it coming. It just happened, but why? What did I do to this woman? I always made an effort to behave and talk “properly”, avoid certain areas and late hours, so I can “avoid” direct racism. It becomes really exhausting to walk around thinking that you need to represent your entire race at all times and places.

My co-workers consoled me and the guards apologized that they couldn’t get to me sooner. I was so upset that I needed to vent. I wrote a Facebook status, uploaded it and went back to work. By the time my shift was over, two hours later, my post went viral. In three days my post reached more than 3 700 likes and 400 shares. The media outlet Yle Kioski contacted and interviewed me. We filmed a video that was a huge success, it had 3 100 likes and 1 400 shares.

People recognized me on the streets and the huge support I got on my post was overwhelming, it was unbelievable. Not in a million years could I’ve ever imagined that a black girl could make an impact and raise awareness about this issue and have so many supporters here in Finland. I cried tears of joy because I didn’t feel like I was alone. There are Finns who really care about my safety.

I am Congolese and will always carry that pride but Finland is always going to be my home. I wholeheartedly embrace my African heritage and my Finnish name, because it is my identity. I feel blessed to be at home with both cultures. I want people to know that I can be black and Finnish too and I will proudly claim both sides no matter what.

-Ritva Kondi
photo: Janita Autio